Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
True strength comes from lack of pants
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
