; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
