Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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