he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
