im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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