I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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