...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I cut my penus on the lid.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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