so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
