people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
