Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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