I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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