I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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