all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
