how hairy? two words: wookie tits
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
