matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
love makes seman taste better
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
