how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
