I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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