he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize