life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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