U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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