The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
