Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
