No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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