When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
