do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
