$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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