my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
