There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
