I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
