is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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