I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
