we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
