maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
