That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
