You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
