my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
