So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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