my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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