I like my sex mixed with concussions.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
