dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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