dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
