I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
