I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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