I cannot find my penis.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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