Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
