I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
