I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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