Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Dicks are not precious.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
