I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I am one with the molecules
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
