You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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