Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
