He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
