he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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